Shenanigans with Sharky and Zero!
by Zero Starlight
Summary: Hey everyone! This is basically just going to be my never complete fic, the one that I can just throw a couple chapters up whenever I want to. Please note, that it's mostly just OC fun, so don't go into this expecting coherent plot development or whatever. In any case; ENJOY!
1. Episode 1: Foal Assassin!

Starlight Entertainment presents;

Shenanigans with Zero and Sharky!

By; Zero_Starlight

Episode 1; Foal Assassin!

(Yeah, this sketch is pretty much taken word-for-word from Tomska's Baby With A Gun video, but screw it, this is promotion for him and that video, and I've added my own flair to it.)

"Hey, Sharky! What do you want on your sandwich?" I called out, washing my hands at the sink.

"Just make it the regular! Oh and now I'm dead! Thanks a lot!" I heard a controller being smacked around a bit and chuckled. Ever since Sharky's copy of The World's Most Difficult Game Ever arrived, I had barely seen him leave his room except for bathroom breaks and to eat.

Grabbing two plates, I turned and promptly dropped them, the sound of shattering ceramics filling the house.

"Sharky?" I called, keeping my eyes on the foal in front of me.

"WHAT?" He called back.

"Did you forget to pay for that game?" I asked, fairly certain of the answer I had already lead myself to.

"Uh... Maybe? Why?"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe because GameStop sent a FOAL WITH A GUN TO RETRIEVE IT!"

For indeed, before me was a stroller bound foal, big eyes staring at me, with a colt magnum sitting on its lap.

"Look!" I exclaimed, holding out Smarty Pants, which I had borrowed-without-planning-on-giving-back from Twilight some time ago. "Oh, it's so cute! You want it?"

The foal giggled, wiggling around in its stroller.

"Alright, I'll give you this, and you give me that!" I passed Smarty Pants to the foal and took the gun, examining it.

"Now see that wasn't hard at oh..." I groaned as I noticed another gun sitting innocently in the foal's lap.

"You wouldn't shoot a guy with glasses, would you?" I asked, already wearing the pair of novelty disguise glasses Pinkie had given me for my birthday.

The foal giggled.

"Don't laugh at me. Your a sick, sick foal! Sick Foal!" I cried quietly.

"Ah, bet you didn't see this coming did you!" I yelled, pointing the gun at the foal, who immediately cringed and began sucking on its hoof.

"I'm a MAN with a gun, what are you, you're just a foal! Your nothing! Your..." I began, and then sighed. "You're doing the pleading eyes..."

"I'm sorry, that wasn't fair, you're young, you didn't deserve that, here, just, take my gun."

"Oh god... I'm so stupid..." I moaned to myself, peeking from between my fingers at the foal who was now in the possession of two guns.

"It's a foal with two guns..."

Crouching on the counter in the most intimidating pose possible, I whined at the foal.

"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

"Whoa, you weren't kidding..." Sharky replied, leaning around the corner. "Wait... where are you?"

"I'm hiding in the fridge right now!" I called back.

"Get outta there, it's just a foal, there's no way it cou-"

A crack of gunpowder and a grunt of pain rang out.

After convincing Zero to leave the fridge, as Sharky's blood was both rapidly draining from his shoulder and staining the carpet, both roommates looked at the foal before them.

"You have to leave." Both said at the same time.

"I'm glad that's over." I said, smiling at Sharky, who was back to playing his game. He nodded, still entranced by the flashing graphics. I frowned.

"You hear that?"

"Aaaaw... It's a little foal... OH SWEET CELESTIA IT'S GOT A GUN, IT'S GOT A GU-"

Shots rang out.

I gripped the wall in terror.

"We need to move again."

A/N; This was... Meh. I just wanted something I could toss a new chapter of up in my spare time, and this is looking like what it'll be. The version I've written this note for won't be the one I'll post, so it's a bit of a moot point, but whatever. Read, review, and I'll see you in the future.


	2. Episode 2: LSD With Sharky!

**To clarify, all these episode will take place in different settings. For example, Episode 1 does not connect in any way to Episode 2 except for the fact that Sharky and Zero are featured.**

Episode 2: LSD With Sharky! (Unintentional Rhyme is Unintentional)

"I really don't recommend this, man. You're gonna go insane!" Zero warned Sharky, who was in the process of taking a large hit of LSD.

"No way man! This is for SCIENCE!" To emphasize his point, the orange dubious Doctor of some profession or another thrust his hoof to the sky, his newspaper sailor hat wobbling erratically.

"Why are you wearing that again?"

"It's Woona's SCIENCE hat, so it gives me a plus twenty to SCIENCE." He replied, grinning obliviously in happiness at his deduction, obviously brought on by said stat boost.

"Well, whatever, I'll be in my room, reading. If you go insane, feel free to join the dead tour without me."

"Whatever man!" Sharky called back, and began his trip into the crazy world of LSD.

-

"Well this is a rip off..." Sharky muttered to himself, still sitting in his seat a half hour into his mind meltingly dull LSD experience. "Guess I'll have to go tell Zero that his source was bad..."

And so Sharky stood up, and things got very interesting.

"Whoa..." Sharky said, flailing his hooves erratically as he attempted to remain upright as the room around him seemed to shift and undulate. "I'd really better tell Zero about this now..."

And so Sharky began to set off to his roommate's room, taking the route around the chair, around the table, out the door, down the hall, left turn and ended back up in the living room again.

"Uh..." Sharky muttered, retracing his steps mentally as he pointed at the floor in various spots to indicate his location.

"Let's try that again..."

And so yet again Sharky set off to his roommate's room, taking the route around the chair, around the table, out the door, down the hall, left turn and ended back up in the living room AGAIN.

Perhaps it was the LSD, or maybe the extra SCIENCE that his hat had given him, Sharky did not know, but suddenly his face broke into a grin as he realized...

"This is the Rod Serling room! That's what this is! This is the room everything comes back to! It's just like bell bottoms!" Sharky began pacing nervously as his thought process continued to go insane. "They're probably coming down the hall right now! They're going to come down the hall, through the front door get on my legs and force me to walk and follow the dead tour!"

Sharky paused, taking a moment to breath. "No. No, I'm going to be cool about this. Just need to calm down."

So Sharky relaxed, unconsciously rocking back and forth on his hooves as he considered how perhaps this idea wasn't a good one. In fact, perhaps it was a bad one. As Sharky considered this, he happened to glance down, and was surprised to see that every time he rocked forward a different color would squish out from around his hooves, almost as if it was some kind of liquid.

"Hey… that's kinda cool…" Sharky muttered to himself as he continued rocking, a smile growing on his face, "Green, red… Did I say this is cool? This rocks flank!" He dissolved into a fit of giggles for a minute before continuing.

"Purple… Orange… Red… Green… Blue… Chartreuse! This is awesome! I wish I could do this all the time!" With that declaration, Sharky began to dance around, excitedly calling out colors as they squished out from beneath his hooves. "Red green purple! Blue yellow gold! Yay-yay I have the power of color~! Yaaaaaaaaay~!"

At this point, it should be noted that Sharky learned an important lesson about tripping on acid. Those who are tripping are not actually insane. It is usually just a big misunderstanding, because at this point Sharky knew what was going on in his mind, but then Zero walked back out from his room to check on Sharky.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Zero cried as he watched his friend bounce around the room, blissfully unaware of the confusion he was causing.

Sharky, even though he had promised Zero he would not do anything insane, replied to Zero by posing and stating with absolute sincerity, "I AM! THE COLOR COLT!"****

Author's Note: Many thanks to the original creator 2 The Ranting Gryphon for creating this hilarious sketch. Hope you enjoyed the random, and I'll see you next time!


	3. Episode 3: Just For Laughs Ponyville!

Episode 3: Just For Laughs Ponyville!

It was a perfect night for comedy. A cool breeze ushered ponies into the comfortable seats and warmth of the Ponyville theater.

After a few minutes of preparation, the master of ceremonies trotted on-stage, and the crowd quieted down.

"I'd like to thank everypony for coming tonight! We've got a great line-up for you, and to kick things off, please stomp those hooves for Dead Pony Bounce!" He trotted back offstage as Pinkie, Zen moved up to the microphone, Rainbow carefully balanced a guitar between her hooves and Applejack sat at a set of drums.

_We were young and fancy-free,_  
_We never had that much to do._  
_The world was made for kids like me,_  
_In the summer of '62._  
_We were too young to be blue._  
_We never had that much to do,_  
_But then we found something to do._

_Oh, remember that summer when we killed that guy?_  
_The way we tortured him? The way we watched him die?_  
_The way we mangled his corpse on the railway line?_  
_That sunny summer's day we killed that guy!_

_We were young and full of fun;_  
_Was just a matter of time before we killed someone._  
_There was nothing special about that guy;_  
_He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time._

_And I remember it was Pinkie's idea,_  
_To make him swallow half his cut-off ear._  
_But, what we did with the baseball bat,_  
_I take full credit for that._

_Remember that summer when we killed that guy?_  
_The way we tortured him? The way we watched him die?_  
_The way we mangled his corpse on the railway line?_  
_That sunny summer's day we killed that guy!_

"And the guy we killed went:" Applejack intoned in a dark voice, and Zen screamed to the tune of Elton John's 'Crocodile Rock'.

"Oh, my God! Oh, Celestia and Luna, please! Oh, please stop!"  
"Is there a doctor in the house?" Pinkie asked, and a brown coated stallion stood, a metal tube like device in his mouth. "...No, thank you, sir, a MEDICAL doctor, thank you. Oh, please! Please, STOP!"

# # #

Zero slowly jogged on stage, pausing to catch his breath. "I might be moving a little slow tonight, I had a Hot Pocket for dinner..."

"Glad to see I'm not the only white trash here tonight..." Zero added, smiling, drawing another round of laughter.

"I buy Hot Pockets! I go into the store Yeah, I get these." Zero said with a dopey smile, before continuing. "I've never had a hot pocket and then after been like I'm glad I ate that, I'm always like I'M GONNA DIE!"

"I PAID for that?" Zero cried in disbelief, "Did I eat it or rub it on my face? My back hurts... Ooooh..."

"By the way, has anyone looked at the box for those things? They have a WARNING printed on the side now, it's like WARNING YOU JUST BOUGHT HOT POCKETS!" Zero shouted, "Hope your drunk or heading home to a trailer! You hillbilly enjoy the next NASCAR event." Zero paused.

"Hot Pockets..." He sang quietly.

"Hey, I like NASCAR!" A audience member yelled.

"He's a jerk." Zero noted, "You never really see that on a menu when you go out to dinner. Let's see, I'll have the Cesar Salad and the Hot Pocket. Or you're at a fancy restaurant and the waiter comes and tells you the house specials."

"Tonights Specials; we have a sea bass, which is broiled, and we have a Hot Pocket... which is cooked in a dirty microwave, and that comes with a side of Pepto." Zero said in a posh voice.

"Is your Hot Pocket cold in the middle?" Zero asked in his normal voice.

"It's frozen. But it can be served boiling lava hot."

"Will it burn my mouth?"

"It'll destroy your mouth. Everything will taste like rubber for a month."

"I'll have the Hot Pocket."

"Hot Pocket!" Zero sang again, waiting for the crowd to quite down a bit.

"Hot Pockets, you know... they haven't been around all that long. Like ten years or so now? How'd they come up with that idea anyway, was there just some guy in a board meeting, I got an idea! How bout we fill a Pop Tart with nasty meat? You could cook it in a sleeve... thing, you could dunk it in the toilet." Zero whispered to the audience, "He's weird..."

"There is the vegetarian Hot Pocket, for those of us who don't want to eat meat but still would like diarrhea."

"Should just come with a roll of toilet paper. Diarrhea Pocket..."

"You ever notice there's no dignified way to buy toilet paper, you always have to buy it in that multi-pack of like 18 rolls? Put it in your cart and everyone in the story is like Does that guy ever leave the bathroom? What, is he living off of Hot Pocket? Hot Pocket!"

"There's the Lean Pocket, I don't even wanna know what's in that. Can you imagine the instructions? Take out of box, place directly in toilet." Zero paused, then shrugged, flushing an imaginary toilet. "Flush Pocket..."

"They recently introduced the breakfast Hot Pocket, FINALLY." Zero said, "Frankly, I can't think of a better way to start the day! GOOD MORNING! You're about to call in sick."

"Now you can have a Hot Pocket for breakfast, a Hot Pocket for lunch and be dead by dinner." Zero noted, "Dead Pocket..."

"I was watching some game show and this guy won a lifetime's supply of Hot Pockets." Zero paused, "That's not a prize, that's a death sentence. Murder Pocket..."

"I do love that jingle, you think they worked hard on that song?" Zero lowered his voice, "What've you got so far Bill?" Zero's voice became weazy and quiet, "Uh... Uh... Hot Pocket..."

"That's good, that's very good, not as good as your Buy Menen, but it's good. Now, what are we going to run in Mexico..."

"Calientai Pocket..."

"You've got a gift, my friend... Don't hide that in a bushel basket..."

"I recently saw a commercial for a chicken pot pie Hot Pocket," Zero noted, "Now they're just messing with us. Before long," Zero switched his voice to a feminine tone, "Have you tried the Hot Pocket Hot Pocket? It's a Hot Pocket filled with a Hot Pocket. Tastes just like a Hot Pocket! I'm gonna go stick my head in the microwave, Hot Pocket!"

Zero became quiet, "He went crazy up there, I didn't know what he was doing at the end, I thought he was on drugs or something, very weird..."

# # #

"Alright, everyone, please give it up for Sharky Bhoy!" The announcer hollered as Sharky walked on stage.

"Hello!" Sharky called, a smattering of greetings coming back, "That last guy was quiet good, wasn't he?" Sharky paused, nervously shifting around.

"Ahem..."

"So is everyone enjoying their comedy festival?" Sharky asked, and the crowd gave a loud round of applause before quieting down again. "Most of you, the rest of you are actually from Ponyville. I've never been in a town where there's just so much going on in one calendar month, Comedy Festival, Jazz Festival, Book Festival! Ponyville is like one giant foal with ADD that just need to be CONSTANTLY ENTERTAINED! Try a night in." Sharky joked, smiling.

"So I've been enjoying my time in Equestria, traveling and seeing the sights," He paused, "Well, as much as you can travel in Equestria, this place is STUPIDLY big. You get on a train and you ride for nine hours, you get off, look at a map, YOU HAVEN'T BUCKIN' MOVED! What's all that about?!" He cried, "We were HERE, we traveled for NINE HOURS, we must be somewhere over... Oh, come on, we're still HERE! Are you sure the train was running?"

"If you travel in Scotland, where I'm from, for nine hours, you'd be in the heart of the CZECH REPUBLIC! You'd have passed through eight countries!"

"So when I told everyone back home that I was traveling to Equestria, you know what everyone said to me?" Sharky asked, "Watch out for the bears Sharky, followed immediately by, if you see an angry bear, pretend to be dead." Sharky raised an eyebrow, "Really? It's a bear that ALREADY angry? The last thing I should be doing is playing a practical joke on the thing."

"Everyone seems to have tips for dangerous animals, I recently toured in Australia, and when you get up you have to brush turtles off your face, kick kangaroos out of your bed and they all look at you like, Not so friendly in the morning, are you Sharky?"

"When I first went to Australia, I thought the kangaroo was a sacred animal, thought it was very rare, like a leprechaun. But they're all over the place! Hundreds are killed on roads every year!" Sharky grinned, "Personally, I think their legs are too long, can't properly reach the break. Little arms can't grab the reins."

"So when I was going to Australia everyone had advice for me, and you know what really stuck out? Watch out for the kangaroos Sharky, but only the male ones!" Sharky frowned, "I don't have time to check! Can't exactly stop a kangaroo, Could I just frisk you for a dick? Ah, you don't scare me ma'am, no, hoppity hop."

"However, I learned this really neat fact about kangaroos, you know a kangaroo is getting ready to attack, it will suck it's testicles..." Sharky paused to figure out how to phrase the rest of his sentence, and laughter resounded, "Haven't finished talking yet." Sharky chuckled, "I don't mean they'll literally suck their testicles, can you imagine that, I'm gonna get you!" Sharky made a loud sucking noise, "But no, they will suck their testicles up into their body to protect them! I wish I could do that- well, actually, hell, any stallion in this room wishes they could do that. Be the toughest stallion in Ponyville! Walk in any old bar, Alright, who's first? It's all we're scared of"

"But my favorite story, this is a true story by the way, my favorite story about watching out for dangerous animals, I was in the northern part of Australia, I decided to visit Kakadoo National Park, where they have the wildlife preserves and stuff, right? And it's about a day before I'm scheduled to go, and I'm watching the news, and this report comes on saying that two alligators had snuck into the tourist part of the park, on their own, obviously, I don't think they joined a tour. That'd be a bit weird wouldn't it? Two please." He paused, frowning.

"Well we definitely booked, you'll just have to check again!"

"Crocodiles are amazing creatures, you know, they're very fast! It looks slow, doesn't but in fact a crocodile is actually faster than the average stallion over the first hundred meters! I don't know how many Aperture Test Subjects it took to find that out, Go on dude, you can do it! Oh, no, unlucky, unlucky, alright Ray line the next one up! But it is also a master of stillness, a crocodile can lay motionless for nine hours, just waiting for some... German backpacker. Didn't read the paper that morning, Valtzing Matilda, Valtzing Matilda, Yah Come A Valtzing Matildaaaaaaaaah!" Sharky sang before dissolving into a scream of terror and pain.

"Thank you everyone, and goodnight!"

# # #

Author's note: Sorry if the first skit wasn't all that great, I had written it better, but I couldn't find the original I had made, so... Hope you enjoyed, and each skit is the property of their respective owners.


End file.
